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An Impatient Heart

Two golfers stepped up to the first tee on the St. Andrews course in New York. The older golfer was a kindly man who played a thoughtful, deliberate game. The younger golfer was full of pride and impatience. 

On the first hole he sliced, lost his ball in the tall grass, hit another one, & had a score of 8 instead of 4 or 5. And the next hole was even worse.

Frustrated, he began hollering at the caddy: “Keep your eyes peeled. I’m not here to do your job for you!” Thereafter, every bad shot was the caddy’s fault! At the end of the first 9 holes, the younger golfer was so upset that he discharged the caddy & carried his own bag. “That caddy made me nervous. He doesn’t like me, & I blankety-blank sure don’t like him! I say good riddance to him!”

After several more holes had been played without a word, the older golfer broke the silence: “Several years ago a little kid from Yonkers came up here & became a caddy. He was a sweet-natured boy; quick-witted, willing, & had a nose for golf. Everybody liked him. His name was William; he had a clubfoot. But that didn’t affect his caddying. It was a pleasure to go out with him.” 

“A famous doctor, a member of the club, became interested in William & took him South that winter & operated on his foot. When William returned, he went back to caddying. The doctor, however, had to give up golf shortly after that because of his health. And it wasn’t long after that when he died. 

“Months later I was playing a round with William carrying my bag. It was Spring, & the fields & hedges were alive with blossoms. William stopped several times to gather flowers until he had quite a bouquet. ‘Who’s the girl, William?’ I asked. ‘I haven’t any girl, sir,’ he said. ‘They’re for my friend, the doctor–twice a week I take flowers to his grave.’ 

“Now that’s a caddie worth having,” the younger golfer said. “What ever happened to him?” The older man paused & then replied, “For 9 holes he was carrying your bag.” 

God delights in using things we can never understand to create the best for us.  How impatient we sometimes can be at times as He works to do the best for each of us.  Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  The desires of your heart?  Yes, the desires of your heart!  I have been in full time ministry for over 34 years and it has always been my desire to go out and lead worship and preach for God in places where the Gospel is never heard, right here in America.  He hasn’t called me to a foreign country, where we have geographically set boundaries, but He has called me to go to a new place every day to proclaim the Gospel and lift up the name of Jesus.  I know it is His call for this to happen just as sure as the first time He burned it on my heart, but I have been hindered from seeing it happen yet.  It will happen, and I believe He has given me the family I have to make it happen, but just not yet.  Oh at times I get very impatient and discouraged, and the message inside of me burns through my thoughts and words, confusing people with my intentions, but the fire is still there.  It is something I can’t explain but continue to believe in, and it’s kind of sad that the only thing holding it back is money.  I have told myself so many times to just believe and step out in faith, and it will happen, but I never get a sign that those steps are warranted yet.  I must confess that I have gone to the front door of my home every day possible for the past 10 years looking for God to send a sign that it is time to begin, but nothing has happened yet.  I go through my daily life praying for my family to stay intact, and available for their part in this dream God has birthed in my life.  I actually prayed for that before they were even born.  Oh the struggle spirituality, mentally, and monetarily this has put on our lives, but I keep believing.  I have at times become ready to throw the towel in, but I just can’t.  God won’t let me.  At times I would just like to be normal and not strive for the Godly dream, but He won’t release me to be normal.  Maybe this waiting was brought upon with a stray flippant prayer for patience from me years ago, but I don’t think so.  Maybe it’s a selfish desire to exalt myself.  Nope!  I’m stepping out and saying, “It’s from God.”  Then I must say again and again, “now what?”

Sometimes I feel like the caddy mentioned in the story above.  A child led to the Lord out of a family that barely attended church.  A touch of a Godly woman’s hand on my head after receiving Christ proclaiming God’s hand on my life. A man who didn’t finish college, but wa given so much wisdom that only God could give and continues to learn more and more every day.  All of this for…..the chance to follow through with a true calling from the voice of God.  I guess you could say I will keep gathering my flowers to bring before the Father until the day comes I can see the dream fulfilled and the ministry birthed.  I will delight in Him until….  When that day comes I hope those who want to be a part of that ministry will have been patient with God and me for the fruit that I believe it will bring.  Until then I will keep on going to the front door looking for what I don’t know.  I will keep on trying to find the funds to birth it.  Keep on believing in something given so long ago to me.  Keep on being patient and waiting for God to hit the “start” button.  Keep on keeping on.  I have read about men of God who believed in something so much, and then it came to pass.  I don’t deserve to be in their category, but I do believe!!  Things don’t go exactly as we plan, but it’s no cause to abandon ship.  God still needs all hands on deck.  If we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us those things He has planted in our hearts.  But if we become impatient and move without Him, we will lose it all.  Patience…Patience…

I don’t believe He will ever use an impatient heart, and if that is your heart, change.  If you feel like you are at a dead end, then you aren’t seeing far enough ahead with your vision for what God is going to do.  Don’t quit.  Don’t give up and I won’t either until God enables me to do what He has called me to do.  I will continue to delight myself in the Lord and believe He will give me and you the desires of our hearts. Just remember this as you strive impatiently to get the things you want in life.  There could be someone who has been even more patient waiting for his dreams to come true, so don’t discard him yet.

The Pilgrimage continues….

David Warren

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